SATURDAY'S SPEECH—i COMPLETE MY EULOGY AND THE PEDESTAL DISAPPEARS
Note:
This is what I hoped to say on Saturday. I did manage to say it, but
not exactly the way I wrote it (for one thing I started with a story I
never intended to tell). I thought I would post this for the
record. Someday the grandkids will be able to access the CaringBridge
stories when they want to know more about Grandma Kathy (or Grandma SaSa
as Eliza called her—Eliza started this practice by calling Troy’s mom
(Elaine Schoeneberger) Grandma GaGa. These were not any part of her
early “baby talk” but rather a function of her humor. I do not know why
she landed on Grandpa BlahBlah for me.
HELLO. THANK YOU FOR HELPING US CELEBRATE.
STARTING ON MONDAY, MAY 9, I USED CARINGBRIDGE TO POST 5PARTS OF MY EULOGY TO KATHY.
TODAY I WANT TO FINISH MY EULOGY.
BUT FIRST, I WANT TO CHANGE THE STORY ABOUT HER REBIRTHPARTY.
IN
EARLY MARCH, SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO INVITE EVERYONE WE KNEW TO COME TO
OUR HOUSE AND CELEBRATE THE 4TH ANNIVERSARY OF HER STEM CELL TRANSPLANT.
SHE WANTED THE PARTY ON MAY 14, AND WHEN SHE WAS DYING SHE ASKED ME TO
STILL HAVE THE PARTY.
I KNEW KATHY LIKED TO BRING PEOPLE
TOGETHER SO THEY COULD STRENGTHEN THEIR BONDS. BUT SHE ALSO WAS NEVER
COMFORTABLE BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. SO ALTHOUGH I KNEW THERE WAS
SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HER “REBIRTHDAY” PARTY REQUEST, I WENT AHEAD
WITH IT. HER SISTER BETSY TOLD ME A FEW NIGHTS AGO THAT SHE THOUGHT IT
WAS UNLIKE KATHY ALSO.
AS WE WERE PLANNING FOR TODAY,
ONE OF THE INITIAL PLANNERS TOLD ME KATHY HAD QUIETLY SHARED HER MOTIVE
FOR THE PARTY. THE “REBIRTH” WASN’T THE REAL REASON. I WAS. KATHY
TOLD OUR FRIEND THAT SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME. SHE THOUGHT I HAD
BECOME TOO DISCONNECTED FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THAT I NEEDED TO
RECONNECT. IT REMINDS ME OF THAT O. HENRY SHORT STORY,WHERE THE WIFE
SELLS HER BEAUTIFUL LONG HAIR TO GET MONEY TO BUY A WATCH FOB, BUT THE
HUSBAND SHOWS UP WITH COMBS FOR HER HAIR THAT HE PURCHASED WITH THE
MONEY HE GOT FROM SELLING HIS WATCH. WHILE I WAS TAKING CARE OF HER
KATHY WAS TAKING CARE OF ME.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, WHEN I
REALIZED WHAT SHE HAD DONE, I HAD TO LAUGH A LITTLE. THERE WERE TIMES
WHEN I USED A LITTLE MISDIRECTION TO PULL OFF A SURPRISE FOR HER, SO I
APPRECIATE WHAT SHE DID.
AND ONE MORE THING---
(KATHY SAID “ONE MORE THING” TO ME SO MANY TIMES THAT“O.M.T.” BECAME A BASIC COMPONENT OF OUR COMMUNICATION).
SO “O—M—T”—
I DO HAVE A PROBLEM I WANT TO ADDRESS.
IN
MY CARINGBRIDGE POSTINGS, I CELEBRATED KATHY’S COURAGE,THE COURAGE THAT
IS NECESSARY IF ONE IS TO HANDLE THE PRESSURES OF LIFE WITH GRACE.
I
PUT KATHY ON A PEDESTAL. SHE HAD CHALLENGES RECENTLY, SHE HAD
CHALLENGES WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG. SHE HANDLED THEM INCREDIBLY WELL. SHE
IS MY HERO. BUT SHE WOULD NOT BE COMFORTABLE ON A PEDESTAL, SO I NEED
TO FIX THAT.
I WANT TO FIX THE PEDESTAL PROBLEM THIS WAY. I AM
TOTALLY CONFIDENT THAT ALL OF YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE HANDLED A
VERY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE, PEOPLE WHO HAVE RESPONDED TO PRESSURE WITH
GRACE. THAT IS COURAGE. AND THEIR COURAGE DESERVES CELEBRATION.
DURING
KATHY’S LAST 48 HOURS, I WAS LUCKY TO BE THERE, TO TELL HER THANK YOU,
TO TELL HER I’M SORRY FOR ANY STRESS I ADDED TO HER LIFE,TO TELL HER I
LOVED HER. I WOULD GIVE A LOT FOR THE CHANCE TO TALK TO HER ONE MORE
TIME.
SO WHILE YOU HAVE TIME, I HOPE YOU CAN TAKE SOME
SPECIAL TIME TO TALK TO YOUR HEROES, TO TELL THEM WHY YOU ARE SORRY OR
WHY YOU ARE THANKFUL. ONCE IN A WHILE, INSTEAD OF“LUVYA” SAY ALL THE
WORDS—“I LOVE YOU.” WE CAN MAKE KATHY’S PEDESTAL WAY LESS NOTICEABLE IF
IT IS SURROUNDED BY MORE PEDESTALS.
SHE WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.
OH.
AND ONE MORE THING. ACCEPT IT WHEN SOMEONE THANKS YOU FOR THE WAY YOU
HANDLED A CHALLENGE. ACCEPT IT WHEN SOMEONE THANKS YOU FOR YOUR
GRACIOUS COURAGE. I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY THAT ALL OF YOU DESERVE SOME
TIME ON YOUR OWN PEDESTAL.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, KATHY’S PEDESTAL DISAPPEARS.
AND SHE WOULD REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
SO THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
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